Story time

Learning to Grow more…

~ nocsta ~ Leave a comment

These past 2-3 weeks has been troubling me with where I am at, at the moment. I haven’t progressed much in my journey to become an Owner/entrepreneur of my own coffee-and-dessert-shop. In the last few months I have been just surviving in a money-swindling city of the magnificent Amsterdam. I am still working part-time, the job isn’t terrible but I need to work more or have a 2nd job to feel secure. I like the people over there, colleagues and customers. What’s more is that I like to do useful work by helping the people at my job. If I can help them out, while learning new skills to do so, is something I enjoy the most.

‘I have always been like this, enjoying to learn and see growth in every aspect of my life. I enjoy it greatly like in games that have that aspect in it as in RPG’s games that I play. I am a big fan of these games and stories where you can learn and see growth in a character.’

So, back to my life. In the past three weeks I have been helping out at the food corner, because of shortage of personnel. Working there is very different than what I usually do, It is non-stop working without much of catching a break and it is fun (in a kinda masochistic way), I was learning a lot of new things and it was keeping me busy. I was trying to keeping it up with my co-workers and underhand leveling my multi-tasking skills. I am what you call a Jack-of-all-trades person and I enjoy to learn a lot as well as get better in the things that I do. Work has kept me busy and I kept my mind busy with a lot of stressful things, financial things, dream-related, health-related, relationship-related, future-related. When I had an off-day I would had these things on my mind clogging my creativity-wheel and inspiration-axis, preventing me to create/ or formulate new things.
The one thing that bothers me the most is, Should I stay at this job, while keep on living a fun, but without much purpose in life. Or stay true to my objective to create something, more troublesome but at the end a fulfilling life. I know I want the last, but I don’t want to give up on the things I have build up until now. Mostly the happy and fun relationships. I am kinda bad at keeping in touch with people and I know that peoples come and go in life.

It is a good thing that people goes when the times comes, because I happily see people grow in their progress to be unique. Growth wether it is in, personal, physical, intellectual, or any other areas are good things and I support it 100%. I just don’t like it when there is no substantial progress. It is mind-numbing to do things over and over again without a change of input. I know you can be called a specialist for doing the same thing over and over again, but it doesn’t suits me because I’m of the school of life-long learning and enjoy growth in every aspect in life. For example ‘starting a new’ is something I have done at various part of my life and it can be scary at sometimes, but eventually you will learn that it’s a good life-experience to have had. (see my past) I know I have chosen a hard path to walk on and it won’t be any less easy to continue forward, it only gets harder anyway.

About jobs, recently, I have been seeing lots of job-adds in my mail-and social-feeds. It is interesting to see them come by, but there is nothing worth looking at. It is all job-offers to work for something or someone and not something in the direction I am heading towards. I have it clear, that if I want to have the future that I want, I need to create it on my own. I am just having trouble to get started. Without much support, experience, money or skills to create something to be good at, is a crazy starting point.

Without further a do this is the answer, what I can think of for now: I just need to learn more and more, grow as much in different aspect of life to be able start things and eventually let it snowball to something great.

It is good to have these stuff’s off my chest. Don’t let Walls stop you, Keep Experimenting! (and Break through!)

Update #4 Change of schedule?

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I have not posted regularly at a fixed day like in the past and it’s kinda bugging me.

To be honest I like chaos, but it’s structured chaos that I like.  As of now the structure of maintaining this blog is somewhat gone. So there will be a shift of schedule, since my weekly schedule has changed.
My new posting day will be on Tuesdays or Wednesdays instead of on Fridays. This has to do with my move to Amsterdam and my current job which takes up time in the weekend.

My workdays are mostly from Wednesday to Sunday, depending on my work-schedule. Not much time to do anything besides cooking, cleaning and groceries. Monday and Tuesday are currently my off days, but I am planning to work on these days as well with a second job.

Aside from work and blogging, I have been rather busy doing various things. Somewhat structured in my planning are the Monday and Thursday gym days and I would have done a third day but Saturday is already a packed day to do anything. If it is not work than it is time spend with friends. (Yeah, I started my social life again XD.)

So what have I been up to? Well, I have made steps for becoming a barista. And No, not changing into hipster or anything like that. Barista in the sense of actually developing skills for my own store. I have signed up for two barista-courses and they are with certificates if I pass and complete it.

Furthermore, I have been rekindling connections with some friends. “It was time again to be ME with positivity and a purpose in life. I hid myself in the past and was isolated from the world. It was a dark time, but now I feel more alive. Anxious at times, thrilled other times but I am having a blast the way things are now. I am finally tearing a hole in my wall of comfort, breaking the bricks of self-isolation one at a time.” Hmm, a bit philosophical in this part.

Social life happn’d. Saturday was just like I said a busy day. I went to a cooking-workshop in Rotterdam on Halloween. It started at 4p.m. I went a few hours earlier cause an old classmate had a one year anniversary of her own shop, also in Rotterdam. It was fun to see them again.

The workshop began around 4 o’clock at Het Zesde Geluk or The Sixth Luck translated. As the participants starting to arrive I looked on my phone and read the dishes that we were going to make. The dishes are listed in the picture below. (in Dutch)
After the workshop was over, some of the participants went for some drinks. It was not entirely a coincidence. I’m in a friend-group that occasionally do activities together and we planned to have a drink and going out that night. So that is what we did, a couple of drinks beforehand and clubbing afterwards. Sunday was also planned, it was to chill out and dimsum. ;P

That is it for now, Like or Share and Keep Experimenting!

My journey, my dream…

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This my Story, This is my Journey.

This blog is something I started to change my life, to tell my story up till now and to tell my Journey for the events to come.

Up till now I had led a great life without much hardships, I am blessed with loving family and friends. I am living a carefree life in a peaceful country, a healthy environment and I am fortunate to receive social benefits of health-care, education and many more.

However (I’m already sounding like a bitch), I did not have a purpose in life. I did not know what I wanted. I just followed the road of what was expected of me instead of listening to my heart. Just until recent years I started to search for a meaning in life, a soul search to something what I wanted, to make me happy and to contribute for a better world.

In my soul-searching-time I figured out what I liked. I like helping people in some sort of way, I like being creative and I love food.

  • Food is something consistent in my up-bringing, my father is a cook and had always made us various delicious dishes. Food is something I enjoy and in food I like quality over quantity.
  • I had always a thing for building and making stuff, I liked building with Lego and making drawings when I was little. As I have grown-up, I turned to cooking because it is one of the places where I could release my creativity.
  • Helping people… it can be called like that, the thing is I like to solve problems and in that way if it helps them it makes everyone happy. So a win-win situation is something what I like to strife for.

These three things are what underlines what I want to do with my life. So combining these three resulted in one of my goals to achieve or create/build. That is, creating something like Jamie Oliver’s ‘Fifteen’ or something like this article about coffee.  Which is not building something for just my own, but also something for the community. A win-win, creativity and food.

In the long run, I want to create an Empire or a Giant in the Food world, something similar as in the manga ‘食戟のソーマ Shokugeki no Sōma’ , an organization like Tōtsuki Culinary Academy. As well as various food related businesses.

My journey and my dream has already started, so if it sounds interesting give me a like, share or follow my blog. ^ ^

The Bucketlist #1

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So in making a bridge with my last post. ‘Droppin’ in the sky of freedom!’

Here is the first list of things I want to fly to. ^_^

  • My own pup-up restaurant/coffee house
  • Car
  • Motor bike
  • Drivers license
  • Living place (randstad)*
  • Second living place in Asia
  • Own business company
  • Traveling the world
  • Study japanese
  • Study chinese
  • Study korean
  • More muscular physic
  • Body exercise
  • Martial arts study
  • Own bakery
  • Learn to dance
  • Learn to play an instrument
  • Have a tootsuki institution**
  • Having a blog

This is the list from when I turned thirty. It was the moment that I decided and acted to change my self.  After I dropped out of college for third time, I had taken my time into think over what I really wanted to do with my life. The time it took  about what I wanted is a topic for another time….

Back on topic, I have already started with doing some things on the list. I have a blog ^ ^, I’m doing some exercise and getting my driving license. I try to move out of Zwollywood this year if possible. There is still much more to add to the list or to be completed. So a list #2 will follow, I’ll keep you up to date.

Like, share or follow? Do whatever you like.

Next up ‘My journey, my dream…’

Droppin’ in the sky of freedom!

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Have you ever thought about ‘What you like to be when you are grown up as a child?’ Or dreaming to be something what you really liked when you were as a kid?

Well I haven’t… Not really, as a child I wanted to be a lot of things, but nothing really stood out. So I didn’t know what I wanted to be at all and I still don’t know exactly. I just followed the directions what was told to me, ‘go to school’, ‘do your best.’ Just like everyone I went from Primary school to Secondary school to College.

It went rather smoothly, going to school, getting good grades, graduate Primary school, attend Secondary/High-school. I did everything like I was supposed to do, but in my late teens I stood on the edge of the safe-and-comfort world and leaped into the sky of ever falling ‘freedom’. The freedom you get after graduating high-school.

Instead of flying and soaring into the sky like other fledglings who knows what to do with their life. I froze like a little chick that didn’t know how to spread it wings. Paralyzed at the thought, dropping down in the ever free-fallin’ environment of ‘Choices.’ While dropping down I began looking for islands that looked like safe-and-comfortable. A small amount of plateaus that was in sight was the start  for my small body to move and  grab onto the sides of it adventurous island.

I started somewhere safe, something that looked familiar, something similar to the path that I had chosen before. The world of rationality, the world of science, the college world of mechanical engineering. It was interesting, very interesting as of matter of fact, but I wasn’t into it. It felt as if I didn’t belong there. So I ended up taking another leap of the edge into the sky of “freedom.”

The second plateau I sought out was something totally different something so broad that I would free fall while on the plateau. Just like an air hockey puck floating on a world of broad knowledge, sampling every side of the hockey field, bouncing from alpha, beta and gamma subjects, in the floating world of Liberal arts and Science. It was fun while it lasted, but I still haven’t found any clues on how to fly. Hovering over the landscape onto the edge and the next drop ensued.

It was then that I looked at my self, at my background, at a part of me that I neglected, the part of wanting to live, wanting to fly. The thing that was interesting, that was close to similar to what I wanted at that time. It was a place where I could be happy. Living the moment of my life, something what I wanted, needed.

It was a plateau where I could go explore my Asian roots, investigate my interests of Asia, being with peers that had more or less the same upbringings and finding the things that I loved or could love. I spend a lot of my time on that floating island, the world of economics, marketing, entrepreneurship and Asia, The commerce world of Trade Management Asia.

On this plateau I had built my paper wings. I could fly to things that I loved to do, to things which made me alive. My newfound friends, my love for asian countries, my love for traveling, exploring and adventure. In the end, after flying to places and dropping down at same time by breaking my paper wings, it was still not enough to make me soar the endless ‘sky.’

However I am not giving up, one day I will be able to fly in the sky with my own true wings, going to places that I want to go. So until that day comes when I am truly soaring the sky with my set of wings. I just go by with my upgradable paper wings to the places I can reach.

For now I’ll just V L I E ! (anagram)

Nick names, online names and acronyms

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No One Can Stop The Apocalypse!
Not Online Coz, Still Tired Aight!

Nocsta, the acronym of the two sentence above. My online name and a nick name I made many many years ago. It is the first name I used for gaming and it had sticked with me through out the ages. I created that name at the age of 13, when I was introduced to internet and online gaming. Acronym NOCSTA stands for the first sentence at the top, as a player name for Unreal Tournament. One of the first shooters I played with friends online. I have been a gamer all my life and will continue to game for a long time.

But this post is not about gaming it’s about the name.

While nocsta has been original created as a nickname/ a game name, it gradually became my personal online alter-ego. I was young at the time and everyone  had chat-softwares like ICQ, MSN-Messenger and others. So I also jumped on the bandwagon and made a Hotmail-account which exist to even this day. Nocsta was mine, spanning 17 years still counting as my nickname.

As time went on during my high school days, some peers were wondering what nocsta really stands for. So instead of telling the truth, I made up a backronym for it, thus giving life to Not Online Coz, Still Tired Aight!

Nocsta is the name of this blog and here is the reason.