This past year 2016 has gone by in a blink of an eye and It was just June 2016 when I was building my life in the bustling city of Amsterdam. These six-seven months has been fun and joyful, but I hardly remember what happened in those months. I remembered of doing my job and went on helping/working in the food area of the store. Within the past three months I just focused on work and it made it hard for me to reminisce all those joyous adventures of the past. Like forgetting the calming sceneries in Belgium,  the sunny days in Liverpool, the gastronomic meal with friends, Chillin’ time with the bro’s, poking balls, getting grubs and drinking with others.

The motto of this period has been ‘work hard and play harder’, it was fun for the most part. While working I learned a lot.. job wise, but I didn’t had time to relax and reflect on the path I was moving. The path that I chose to move to the other side of The Netherlands and start building a life that I would not regret. The path to build something of my own, something where my passion lies. The path of hardships and overcoming these hardships. Al the things what I had started was put on hold while I was tying myself to learning skills in the area of cooking, which is different from what I was striving to create/build. I worked and worked without stop thinking about work, it was never-ending. I stopped doing things which gave balance to my life; like creating interesting meals, working out to stay fit & healthy and reading as well as writing to develop my mind. I was pushing myself to not feel much or anything at all. (Idk if this is all true, but it can be seen as this.)

The other thing that I turned to was something more dangerous which diverts my focus on pursuing my passion. The one thing books are written about, songs are sang about, films are shown of. The abstract term called LOVE. I am kind of a romanticist, dreaming about loving scenarios and stuff like that, which are portrayed in movies. I was and am still searching/looking for love to make me full, but that is a hazardous way to think. I know it because even if you find it, it would not last and you will still feel empty. I had my share of days without work filling the void. And times of missing connection with the people whom I care about filling me up with the fleeting sensation of love. I couldn’t stand being alone while being struck by various emotions, feeling empty while needing love. The feeling of loneliness, while having lots of close ones who cares about you. (Yes, I’m gratefully blessed with these friends and family that I have.)

The One thing that I forgot the most is to Love myself first, finding lovers isn’t what I needed. It is something that will come to you, if you make yourself whole again by loving yourself first.
What I am trying to say is that I forgot to love myself and was looking for the wrong things to focus on. This problem has been on the back of my mind for some time and I didn’t make time for it to work through these things, it had only built up in my unconsciousness.

So what is going to happen now? I don’t know, but I try to live a more balanced life in which I start picking up the things that I left out during my period of ‘work hard and play harder.’

My journey is not over, it continues, Lets have fun and Keep on Experimenting!