Procrastination… It is my defense mechanism in dealing with failures and not caring anymore about the things that I want to pursue in life. It is self-sabotage, like I start doing things that gives pleasure for a short amount of time. (having just fun, hanging out or gaming.) These things are time consuming and mostly waste of energy, but it is something I do to run from my problems. Why, because fear and insecurity is getting to my head, it paralyzes me to move forward.

I have this mentality of ‘Doing it perfect or not doing it at all.’ This thing of perfectionism is making it a bit hard to life, because the expectancy that everything will be near perfect is such a hard way to life by, while the common thing to do is doing things steady and regularly for results.

I have been doing this most of my life, expecting to be special while I am just ‘Regular Joe’ like most people. I have been trying to do things perfectly, however it mostly never worked out cause to get things perfectly you have to work hard, freaking hard to eventually to get appreciated for the work that you have done.

Well in my school days, I had learned from the school-system to get things done to just get passing grades. This thing that I had learned made me not to care about things. Not caring make me not to do my best and this contradict my view of being special and doing things perfect. So what now? I have been failing things because I did not care anymore of the things I started. And succeeded in the things in which I did the ‘work’ and stayed focused.

What now..? I was paralyzed and procrastinating to find a second job or a place to pursue my journey to my shop or business. The anxiety of getting rejected and not getting a job was big. (a perfectionist view of success right of the bat) The job-experience is something I want to have, but I have not found any second job in the direction I am pursuing. I got rejected multiples times and failed to secure a second workplace. (sucks, but shouldn’t be a biggie!)

To stay positive I must be doing it in a wrong way and should change my method to secure a place where I can get the needed experience to eventually start my own shop.
So, what I really wanted to say is all or nothing is not the way to get things done, It is a flawed way of thinking. It is setting it self up to soften the blow when you fail. It is better to give it your all and let nothing stop you until you get what you want. Failures are just bumps in the road towards your Finish-line.

Follow your dreams and Keep Experimenting!

ps. I should also follow my own advice. XD